Start Dealing With Divorce in Baby Steps- You Can Do This!

The first step toward thriving after divorce is actually dealing with divorce. This is really just a survival task, but must be done before you can thrive. This section will help you get past negative feelings that only bring you down so you can look ahead to the future and start a new chapter in your life.

Here's the thing- when a spouse passes away, everyone rallies around the family left behind to offer food, money and help. Neighbors bring over casseroles, family members tend the children and clean the house, and friends offer words of comfort. A widow usually gets plenty of help dealing with the loss of a spouse, although this is very difficult. Dealing with divorce is an entirely different situation. When a couple divorces, they are left out in the cold. No one really knows what to say to them, so they say nothing. Mutual friends often abandon divorcing couples to avoid taking sides. Religious couples may be completely shunned at church, as if fellow worshipers are afraid to "catch" what they've got.

Dealing With the Emotional Roller Coaster

I mourned the loss of my dream of raising a traditional family. It felt like not only a part of me had died, but my life as I knew it was withering away. My kids were mourning too, and needed my support. I felt angry and bitter, lonely and abandoned.

There were other times when I realized I would be much better off single than in an unhappy marriage. Being single again could be fun, I thought. I could date again, decorate my very own house and spend my money how I see fit. Finding the "silver lining" of your situation is the first step in dealing with divorce. However, it's also a bit scary to be alone sometimes, and to support yourself and your kids alone.

I don't doubt that you've been feeling many of the same things. Some days may be worse than others. Dealing with divorce is a process. No one expects you to be back to your normal, cheerful self tomorrow. You can gradually get back to good by taking baby steps.

Here's Baby Step 1:

It's also ok to call on friends and loved ones to help you get through this rough patch. It also helps to make new connections so you've always got a few people you can call to help you out in a bind. I call it building a social support network.

If you or your children continue to struggle with these emotions and/or fall behind at school or work, please don't hesitate to get professional help. No, it doesn't mean you are a weak or broken person. It just means you've hit a rough spot in your life, and need a little push to get going again.

Turn your negative thoughts into positive ones. For example: instead of saying to yourself "self, I hate being alone", turn it around and say something like "self, I now have time to do the things I like to do."

Dealing With the Details

My soon-to-be ex-husband and I took six months to pound out the details of the divorce decree. If you're still working on this, I'm no lawyer, but I have gathered divorce advice for women, and even some divorce advice for men who happen to this spot to help you avoid the pitfalls my friends and I have come across.

Of course, dealing with divorce is more than just deciding on parent time and child support payments. It's finding a way to somehow be ok emotionally. It's learning how to co-parent with your ex. It's getting back to feeling like a whole person again.

Here's Baby Step 2:

I know- if you could agree on everything, you'd probably still be married. The most important thing to remember here is to try to be flexible. If you can't agree on something, agree to try it one way for a month and then make adjustments if necessary. Set aside your feelings toward your ex for now, and try to find the best solution for the kids.

Dealing With the Issues

Here's Baby Step 3: