Getting Over a Breakup -
AKA: Get That Haagen Dazs
Out of Your Mouth!

What if the relationship you just ended makes you so sad, it's hard to get up in the morning? Surviving a breakup is the furthest thing from your mind- everything reminds you of him. You can't stop thinking about what went wrong. What if you never find someone else like him? You keep thinking the only way to escape the pain is to escape all together- change jobs, move to a different town, or run to Fiji. You might be feeling this way about your freshly severed marriage, or a boyfriend you thought might be “the one”. Either way, getting over a breakup is a struggle. So, now what? You guessed it- start thriving, sister!

A Little Science Lesson...

Let's take a look at what's going on inside your head- literally. This is cool stuff! When you experience something for the first time, say listening to a song- your brain actually releases chemicals that cause a certain emotion. You experience that emotion or emotions and like an iPod, it tags that song with that unique blend of emotions you felt when you heard that song. Your brain has formed a connection, and now whenever you hear that song, you feel that blend of emotions and even remember what you were doing when you heard the song; like, uh maybe surviving a breakup? (If you think this is as interesting as I do, check out the movie “What the Bleep Do We Know?)

Only trouble is, you can actually become addicted to emotions. Good or bad, whether you want to feel that way or not, you're going to get that surge of emotions whenever you hear the same song, right? Not necessarily. If this connection your brain has forged doesn't work for you, change it. You have the power to create an entirely different connection with this song. Don't believe me?

Here's my personal experience, for what it's worth. I had my own struggle getting over a breakup. Every morning afterwards, for weeks the sadness and gloom would descend upon me like a tidal wave. I would often ask myself why I couldn't get over it. He wasn't coming back, and I had to face that fact. At the time, I couldn't see how I could possibly find anyone better for me.

Until one day- it hit me. I felt that dark cloud move over me, and I felt a strange comfort in that. I was addicted to feeling sad, broken hearted, dejected, and on and on. It was like the song by the Dixie Chics, “Hello, Mr. Heartache”. It goes: “Hello, Mr. Heartache- I've been expecting you!” I realized that in a strange and twisted sense, I kinda enjoyed moping over the loss of that relationship. I wasn't even trying to survive a breakup. Wow, I was playing the victim!

I was totally stuck. I couldn't even think about dating, I had a hard time having fun with my kids or my friends, and I just wanted to mope around all the time. I even asked a psychic to figure out when I would get over him- how ridiculous! Getting over a breakup didn't seem like it was in the cards for me.

I decided that instead of asking myself or the universe when I would get over it, I decided to just be over it. Whenever I heard a song or went to a place that triggered a memory of him, I conscientiously decided to change that connection. That was my first step toward surviving a breakup.

For example: one time, I went to an outdoor mall where I used to hang out with this guy. I immediately started feeling that forlorn feeling again. Then I realized I was there with my friends to have fun. I stopped telling myself this was “our place” and focused on being in the moment with my friends. Later, when I got home, I told myself that mall is my place to hang out with friends, and reflected on the good times we had.

This actually started breaking down the old connection in my brain and creating a new one.

Then, the more I recalled these memories, the stronger the connection became. It was hard- I had to force myself to change my thought patterns, but it was so worth it. I gave that black cloud a head-but, told Mr. Heartache he was no longer welcome, and moved on to eventually find a man who is absolutely perfect for me.

I did it, and so can you. Your mind is so much more powerful than you think. Getting over a breakup is up to you. So, decide today that you're gonna stop moping, and get on with things, girl!

Do you have a story about getting over a breakup? Let's hear it!

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