What Moms Should Know About Kids and Divorce
After divorce, it can be hard to pick up the pieces. When dealing with kids and divorce your primary concern is making sure your children grow up to be happy and healthy. Though divorce is by no means a picnic, single moms and their children can thrive and find happiness in spite of divorce. Regardless of the age of a child, divorce can be a confusing concept to handle. Suddenly not living with dad or seeing him much less often than before can cause children some emotional issues. Often times, kids feel conflicted after divorce, worried that they will to choose one parent’s side over the other. They also may feel caught up in the conflict between fighting spouses. Handle kids and divorce by firmly establishing the boundaries with your ex. Discuss issues of child care, visitation, custody, discipline and parenting strategies. This will establish firm rules after divorce that will protect your child from any tension and allow them to keep a close bond with each parent. A fair division of your financial assets will also help make sure children do not suffer. Caught in the MiddleSometimes children may feel the divorce is somehow their fault. Though you don't need to discuss in detail the reasons why you are splitting up you can handle the anger, resentment, guilt and confusion felt by kids in a divorce by offering reassurance and comfort. Let them know that the divorce is not because of them but be sure to be clear that the divorce is final. This will help prevent children from fantasizing that you and your ex will get back together. Ensure your children that they are still loved and you will continue to provide a safe and nurturing home.Keeping busy will help you and your children deal and offer them acceptable ways of handling any negative feelings caused by the divorce or lack of contact with the other parent. Get them involved in new activities to offer a creative way of expressing themselves. Developing a new hobby, joining a support group, after school clubs and play dates are a few suggestions. You can also find activities that you and your children can do together to help increase closeness. Some kids may struggle a little more with feelings of guilt and vulnerability after divorce. Religious groups, schools and family therapists offer supportive counseling sessions designed for kids and divorce. Try to Keep the Changes to a MinimumAfter divorce, your children may fear the disruption in their routine. Suddenly having to leave their home, friends and family can shake up their previously secure world. Develop ways to minimize the changes your children will face. Keeping them in the same neighborhood or school and providing constant contact with extended family on both sides will provide your children with the stability they need.If you are the custodial parent, chances are you’ll have the kids most of the time. Many single moms place more responsibility on older children after divorce, needing them to help more with chores and looking after their younger siblings. For help and support look to family members who can assist you so your child does not feel overburdened. Be the Best (Parent) You Can BeThe most important factor affecting kids and divorce is your parenting skills. Be kind but firm in how you handle aggression, defiance or other negative behaviors. Be a role model to your children after divorce by handling your own stress and communicating with your ex for the sake of your child. Remain respectful towards them, avoid criticizing your ex in front of your children and discuss consistency in rules and parenting strategies. To support your child's emotional development don't put them in the middle of the conflict, children should not be asked to carry messages back and forth between their parents. If you are unable to speak to your spouse in person without tension and anger place phone calls or use email.Children will pick up on both your verbal and non-verbal communication. Constantly tell them that they are loved, let them know you understand and respect how they feel. Offer hugs and time to just hang out together when dealing with your kids and divorce. When they spend time with your ex, don't act jealous or angry, this can confuse your child and make them feel like they have to pick a side. Either say nice things about your ex in front of your children or avoid saying anything at all. There is life after divorce for children and single moms, though it will take some time. Stay positive, shower your children with love and support and keep the lines of communication open. In the end, your kids will survive divorce to be well-adjusted, resilient, productive and happy individuals.
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