I've Been There.
My Life After Divorce...
Life after divorce doesn't have to be a dead end. Girlfriend, lemme tell you a story. I found myself divorced after eight years of rocky marriage. It shouldn't have been a surprise, but it knocked me off my feet anyway. My two girls were 4 and barely 2 years old. I had a crappy car that barely ran, and a few credit cards to my name (all creeping toward their limits). The house was already sold. I had a college degree, but my only work experience was running our own business, that had since been sold. It was great experience, but I didn't know what it was like to have a boss. My most recent job title was Stay at Home Mommy. I had no confidence in my ability to support a family by myself- it was uncharted territory. I had to find a house, job, school, daycare, better car...and FAST.
Life after divorce seemed bleak.
I was still reeling at the fact that I would no longer be part of a "normal, traditional" family. The thought of
putting my kids in daycare
made my stomach turn. I struggled with my own emotions, and yet still had to reassure my kids that everything would be ok. Divorce is something that happens to other people, right? It wasn't supposed to happen to me, for crying out loud! I felt like I had been thrown out like yesterday's garbage. To add to the chaos, my ex-husband and I could not communicate with each other to save our lives. Everything was cause for an argument, from when to exchange the kids to which clothes belonged at who's house. We had to use a mediator just to pound out the details of the divorce, and even then we still couldn't reach a compromise on everything. If love always feels like a battlefield (according to Jordin Sparks), then I guess divorce feels like an all-out slaughter. I thought this would be the shape of life after divorce. Every time I had to see him or talk to him, I felt like I was going into combat. Better go and get your armor...
What About the Kids?
I worried that my kids would turn into hooligans running wild in the streets, causing mischief on a daily basis.
How is life after divorce supposed to work for my kids?
Would they turn out to be normal? Could they possibly have a good childhood when their parents are divorced? Would they be teased and left out at school? Would they be labeled broken, as a product of a broken home? What’s more- how would they deal with their dad and I dating other people? I pictured them reacting like a dog peeing on the new person’s clothes to mark their territory!
...And Dating?
Would I even like
dating after divorce
? Could I possibly love again? Are there any good guys left? I didn't want to be alone, but I was worried that I would have to weed through a bunch of losers and creeps to find one worth sticking with. What if I did meet a great guy and settle down, only to find that
blending a family
was much easier said than done? Would the second time around ultimately end up like the first? How could I learn from my mistakes? I wasn't content with settling or surviving. I wanted to thrive after divorce.
A New Perspective
Then I realized something. I had a lot of choices to make. At first, that seemed like a bad thing. But then again, I had a lot of choices I could make to better my own life after divorce, and my girls'. I could sit there crying in the corner, sucking on lemons or I could make lemonade...and sell it! I picked myself up off the floor and set about creating a new and better life after divorce for myself and my girls. Fast-forward to today. I'm successfully supporting my family, settling down with the man of my dreams,
getting along with my girls' dad
, investing for the future, my kids are adjusting well, and I've made a lot of great friends along the way. I truly learned to thrive after divorce, and I feel happy and fulfilled...well, at least most of the time! Of course, I still come across my own challenges, but dealing with divorce has made me a stronger and more independent woman. I no longer feel like life is just happening to me. My girls and I don't have to be another sad statistic of divorce. I know now that I can create my own destiny.
Advance from Life After Divorce to Moving On
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