Your Child and Stress

It doesn't take a psychologist to grasp that a divorce will impact your child and stress will be an important factor to consider. Any divorce or separation is going to create stress for kids, parents and assorted family members.

Let's face it; family, friends and even Fido are gonna feel some measure of stress when a marriage ends in divorce. It really doesn't matter how friendly and amicable the terms are, either- it's still a major change in your family situation. All this affects your child and stress can stem from change- especially when the child has no control over what's happening.

How Do Kids Show Signs of Stress?

It is certainly not unusual for a child to have feelings of rage, anger and frustration when their home becomes divided. In addition, many kids will feel helpless, depressed, anxious, sad or scared. Parents often do not realize the intensity and range of emotions that are cycling through their children's minds and they can be stunned when their little angels begin to act out their frustration over what is taking place around them. Children and stress issues are as commonplace with a divorce as peanut butter and jelly sandwiches are at a lunch table.

Be especially mindful that a child who is “acting out” may very well be showing signs of stress. If this is your kid right now, try to set aside some one-on-one time to play, eat or talk together. Getting to the bottom of the issue isn't necessarily the point of this exercise. Just spending time together can help your child feel better and more willing to open up later about things that bother them.

Symptoms of stress in a child are a lot like adult symptoms; headaches, sleeplessness, body aches and trouble focusing, to name a few. As adults, we sometimes tend to overlook or downplay these types of complaints from our kids. It's important to take notice of these signs of stress and help our kids work through the stress.

It's also important to keep in mind that kids have other stressors in their day-to-day lives, aside from dealing with a divorce. Kids feel stress over schoolwork, social issues and changing developmental stages. Learning how to deal with children and stress is an important skill for any parent to develop; all the more reason for divorced parents to raise their awareness and learn about stress management for children. Ok- you get it. Kids have stress, just like us big kids. Now what do we do about it? There are some coping skills that will help calm your child and stress.

Children and Stress : What You Can Do to Help

The truth about divorce is that your kids can survive this emotional trauma if you and your spouse both act like loving parents and sane adults. Waging unnecessary arguments and spiteful battles can create the type of emotional stress and baggage for your children that they may never overcome. It will be necessary for you to work out a good coparenting arrangement. When you are discussing the new living arrangements, you should try to make it a family discussion if possible. Fears of children and stress related issues can be minimized and addressed at this time. Kids and divorce bound parents can still maintain a fairly normal family life, but you have to be willing to make some compromises and adjustments.

Try to maintain as much of your normal behaviors and daily life as possible during the weeks and months surrounding a divorce. When you do this, it helps reduce the stress that can negatively impact both kids and divorce proceedings.

Continue to be consistent when setting the rules for behavior at home and school. A divorce is not an open invitation for anyone to cut loose and run wild. Maintaining regular rules, chores and family responsibilities will help lessen the stress and anxiety levels for everyone.

Stress Management for Children

You can also work with your child to help calm your child and stress. Guide your child through a relaxation technique before bed. Have them lie down in bed and relax. Tell them to focus on tensing, holding and relaxing each muscle group, starting from the toes up. Tense the feet, hold for a few seconds, then relax. Then tense the calves, hold for a few seconds and relax. You get the idea. It only takes a few minutes, and after a couple times your child can do it themselves when they need to relax.

Another thing that has worked well in my family is yoga. We got a few yoga DVD's and worked through them in the living room. My kids really enjoy sharing this activity, and they've learned a few poses they can do on their own when they get stressed out.

Try to create a cozy relaxing space for the kids at each parent's house. Each child should have at least a comfort item at each house, like a special blanket, stuffed animal or picture. If possible, try to carve out a private space for each child to decompress at each house like maybe a comfy chair to read in- everybody needs their downtime.

Consider getting a pet for your child. I know, you've got enough to deal with just with kids and divorce. However, numerous studies have shown that playing with a beloved pet can reduce stress for kids and adults alike. Kids also increase social skills and build responsibility and compassion. It's a big decision, but one to consider.

Enroll your child in the team sport of their choice. The physical outlet and social connection a team sport provides might be just what you need to take care of your child and stress.

Children and stress issues from a divorce are not the most pleasant combination of ingredients to put into any "happy childhood" recipe; we never wanted this for our kids, did we? Take stress management for children seriously; if you face the issues head-on, your kids can still enjoy a happy life and become responsible, loving and well balanced adults.

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